i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she told me i tasted like america
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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