So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize