you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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