White coat. Heels.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize