my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
