I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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