worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
