can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
