dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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