brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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