dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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