I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
