Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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