I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
