you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
