Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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