My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
