The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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