Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
