I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
