I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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