I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
