haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
