It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
