Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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