Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
