I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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