Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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