It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
