i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
