I've blown a few things in my day
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My balls are so social today.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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