I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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