I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
