I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
