Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
