fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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