my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
