i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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