I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
