it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize