Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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