Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize