shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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