4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize