You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
