Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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