This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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