Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
