I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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