soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
