shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
