i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
