Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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