i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
