Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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