He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
