I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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