So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
