4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
