One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
