But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
