do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
