problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
