im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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