I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
