My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
