Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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