I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
