So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
