next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
